Woman Feels Body Insecure After Pregnancy, Husband Makes it All the Worse After He Comments That It’s ‘not the same as before’

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 1 day ago Fun-Somewhere-4979 AITA For Telling My Wife Her Body Doesn't Look The Same As It Did Pre Pregnancy
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    Hi. 33M. I think I really up here. I've been with my wife (31F) since my junior year of college. We were both D1 cross country runners and so fitness is a huge part of our lives. My wife kept up with it even more than I did after college, and has run several marathons. She generally just loves eating healthy and working
  • 03
    out, and in the past, I was actually worried she was a bit too obsessed with her fitness. I know she had anorexia in middle school (was hospitalized for it) but insists she's never had a problem with it since. She's always eaten a lot since I've known her so she has the fuel to finish her races, but she's always
  • 04
    been pretty particular about what she puts in her body and getting the exact right amount of carbs/fats/proteins.
  • 05
    My wife had our first baby (a little girl) about three months ago. Something I noticed after she had the baby is that she goes to the bathroom to change, and when she doesn't, she asks me not to look. This is not usual for her. Other than that, I thought she was handling everything alright for the most part.
  • 06
    This past weekend, I decided to surprise my wife with a weekend trip to our favorite little beach town and asked my parents to watch the baby. My wife was excited at first, but when we got to the hotel, she started crying and asked if I "expected haven't done it since the baby (we
  • 07
    was born). I was totally taken aback, and told her I just want to spend time with her and don't want to do anything she isn't comfortable with. I asked if there was a reason she seemed so nervous about . My wife told me she doesn't look the same as she did before and feels ashamed. I told her she's
  • 08
    beautiful and has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My wife then asked if I thought she "looked the same as she did before."
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    As I mentioned before, my wife worked out religiously before having our daughter (she had a six pack and was just super ripped in general). I do think the difference in how she looks post baby is a bit more drastic than it is for most women given her obsession with running and fitness. My wife is still beautiful
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    obviously, and I kept repeating that to her. She kept pressing me, asking if she looked the same as before, and I finally responded that her body has changed but that's normal and healthy. My wife started sobbing, and I immediately regretted saying anything. She kept asking me follow up questions like "how
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    much different do I look" and "do I look fat" and I basically asked her to stop asking me these questions because (1) she's not going to believe me when I say she looks great and (2) I don't want to say anything else that might hurt her. My wife really didn't like this answer, and seemed sad for the rest of the night.
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    On the trip, she wanted to hike and just be really active. I took her to our favorite Italian place, but she didn't really want to eat anything other than salad and lean protein the entire weekend. I kept trying to get her to have some ice cream (it's her favorite desert) but she didn't want it and kept getting irritated whenever I suggested it. She probably asked
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    me at least thirty times in two days if she "looked fat" or "looked okay", and I refused to say anything other than "you're perfect" or "you're beautiful."
  • 14
    We're home now and she seems to be really focused on what she's eating (more than she has been in a while). I'm worried I really hurt her with my comment. AITA?
  • 15
    shyfidelity 1d ago This is so sad. You didn't do anything wrong but she's obviously hurting. She's gonna slip back into ED- adjacent behavior.
  • 16
    queenrosa . 1d ago NTA but your wife needs professional help with her eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Get her to see a therapist.
  • 17
    You did the best you could. There was nothing you could have said that would have been that helpful. If you said she looked the same, she wouldn't believe you.
  • 18
    Chakra Mama318 • 1d ago Here's the thing about ED- you don't heal from them, you just manage them. They are also a coping mechanism that has to do with the person's sense of control.
  • 19
    So when your baby essentially hijacked her body and she had little control over the results, including weight gain and all the changes: it freaked her the I out. And then there is a hormonal ride on top of it.
  • 20
    It is time for her to bring this to counseling and possibly meet with someone who specializes in treating ED. NTA.

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